Setting simple boundaries with your Family and your Team.
You're on a video call and the kids burst into the room limbs and toys flying? Anyone???
The 'novelty' (if you can call it that) of working from home is well and truly gone. It's just pain now. And the tension of feeling guilty is now as real as your kids running in you during your video calls. Then there is guilt. Feeling guilty that I should be working. Feeling guilty that I should be spending time with the Kids..... The worlds of work and home are colliding 24/7.
This is HARD and it's not sustainable in its current form. So how can we adapt??
Before we start, first thing is first - perhaps take 8 mins to ground yourself before we talk boundaries. Because setting boundaries is where changing your work from home life gets real. That 8 min flow is something I've doing regularly since I did my Yoga Teacher Training, it feels settling to the nerves and thought it might be of use to you if you're feeling spun up. Just an option.
Next, review Step 1 - Curate Your Environment of this WFH series - I've written my answers here. You can too. Remember by going through the process your insight can and will help others. Please let go of whatever you need to so that you can share. It's all a gift.
So, what are boundaries?
In this context a boundary is an agreement to honour how a person wants to be engaged with. When we create a boundary with someone, it says 'Hey, you're cool and I like you, but I need this [condition] so I can be of value to myself and others.'
Why do we need boundaries?
Because people love you. And because of that, they will need or feel they need you in their life. Here is a non-exhaustive list of people who might be trying to love you too much.
Family: Your partner, your children
Friends: People who feel they need you in their life
Your Boss: The person you look to for professional direction or approval in your work
Your Colleagues: People you work with and want to / need to consider when making decision
Your Team: People who look to you for professional direction
Your Clients / Stakeholders: People who's decisions about your work affect your livelihood
Now that everything is a Zoom call...
Let's look at one framework to create a boundary around communication. It's called PACE and comes from the world of Special Forces, which I experienced first hand this one time. It's based on the premise that you should have 4 channels and triggers for communication.
Primary - What is the most common form of day to day, task oriented communication? (i.e Email - 48 hour response window)
Alternative - If you can't get a response from the person / people you are trying to get in touch with in the agreed timeframe, what medium have you agreed to use? (i.e Slack or WhatsApp - 24 hour response window)
Contingency - Things are getting hairy, and you timeliness is now critical. What is the medium in which you will have a high likelihood of cutting through to the person you need? (i.e Whatsapp Voice Message or Phone Call - 12 hour response window)
Emergency - If the situation is a true emergency (Client at risk, team member in need of serious help, project about to get canceled) Active all the above channels and add [RED ALERT] to the communication subject line in all channels.
I can NOT stress how important respecting the boundaries of communication are.
We can often belittle this in our business. 'Oh, it's just an email.' Or ' I'll just ping them something'. The number of critical projects to my business that came down to getting the attention of the right people at the right time is more than I'd like to admit!
Knowing whether I was going to book a flight across the world and leave my family for weeks, literally rested upon a person or two responding to a message at the right time. It's a not a comfortable place to be, and I needed to set clearer communication boundaries!
Each of the above are a micro contracts between you and your team agreeing how you want to relate to one another, so yes a it's a Relationship Contract. ❤️
One Work example for you to use if you'd like to sort this tomorrow.
Action: Set a 30 mins meeting with your crew, right now.
Subject: Communicate with Kindness (or something like that)
Agenda: To set and agree boundaries on how we communicate with each other during Lockdown.
Once together, this might be a way to set up the session.
"Hey Crew, today we are going to review how we are communicating to each other during WFH lockdown. Theres seems to be a lot of meetings, emails, messages and text flying around, and I'm aware this is causing us to feel more scattered and stressed than before the lock down.
So in the next 30 mins we'll look at four conditions and mediums we are going to use and for what reasons. Then we'll commit to trying that for the next few weeks. The intention is to help people protect their calendars so that they can have more space to think and adjust to sustaining the new situation we are all in.
The four conditions are called PACE... "
An example for 'Primary'. For our [Insert Project Name], that would mean all communications about the ongoing loyalty program, will be by email to one another with maximum 24 hour turn around. Giving out teams around the world time to reflect and robustly respond. Please don't panic or send other emails, messages, Tic Toks or Zoom invites before they've had a chance to respond in the window.
Does that help? Is that clear enough of an example? Does anyone have any questions as to Why we are doing this?"
It's literally worth sitting down with your team and in 30 mins outline the contract for communications. Properly respected, that 30 min relationship meeting will save you hours upon hours of checking emails whilst trying to play with the kids.
Using PACE for your family. A simple but effective example.
In my current situation, my wife and I have agreed that there is a 4 hour work window during the day for me, and another 3-4 after the kids go to bed (7.30 - 11.30 AEST), which is works for my UK clients. Outside of that I'm on homeschool and dad duty.
So during my daytime 'Work Shifts' we use PACE to hold boundaries for work, they are:
Primary - Email me. For example, a list of things that need to happen after I finish my work shift (groceries, errands etc).
Alternative - Text me. For example, "Can you pop out for a sec to help with something?"
Contingency - Knock on the door. For example, the kids are running wild and there's food on the stove and i'm needed to settle them down before I can return to work.
Emergency - 'Red Alert' - I'm needed 'on-deck' because there is high risk situation (Someone has gotten hurt or we need to help my father in law).
There's a whole lot more we could get into here, but I hope this helps provide a technique to help you adjust to a sustainable WFH lock down life.
Next Week - Step 3 of 5: Caring deeply about Self-Care.
About
The Dojo exists because we want to help reshape the world of work around Humans.
We believe that the way the corporate world does 'Work' is fundamentally broken, unintentionally designed to keep humanity out of the equation. And as a result people aren't able to grow as people, which limits their growth as professionals. BUT, we also believe that's starting to change and we hope to be a part of that story.
We work with individuals, teams and organisations to help them redefine the way they develop, create work together and operate as a business.